Rachel Ministries
Hope and Healing after Abortion


I had an abortion back in 1983, I was only 17 years old and I made a choice to abort based on being afraid to face the future with a child out of wedlock and wrong advice given by someone I trusted.  It cost me much pain for over 25 years, I suffered with my decision and though I asked God to forgive me, I couldn't seem to accept his forgiveness and I couldn't forgive myself, so I began to punish myself by drinking, and using drugs for years, then I gave my life to the Lord and I thought all was well, but I began to bout with depression and thoughts of suicide, how could that be when I had given my life to the Lord?  I married the man who was once my boyfriend and the father of our aborted child and went on to have 3 children with him but still my husband and I were both suffering from the abortion.  I went to a christian counselor who helped me to see that it was in fact the unforgiveness in my heart for my family member and myself for choosing to have the abortion that was tearing me apart, physically, mentally and spiritually.  I needed help, so I began to seek out post abortion counseling, I had received counseling through my church but it just wasn't enough because no one had experienced what I was going through and it made me feel even more isolated from my own church family and I knew that they loved me, they prayed with and for me and they encouraged me as much as they could but I needed someone who could relate to me, someone who had been through what I had and until I got that I felt there was no hope for me to be healed, but God sent help speedily and I was led to Rachels Ministries and It was the beginning of a new life for me!!  I went through one on one counseling as well as attending the retreat, and my husband attended with me and we both were healed and delivered and life has and will never be the same for us!!  My entire outlook is different.  I met others who were just like me and we were able to cry and laugh and heal together like a family!!!  I can truly say that going to Rachel's Vineyard was the best thing I ever did, but I couldn't have done it without my one on one counseling through rachels ministries, it prepared me to receive my healing and I am now truly free from condemnation, from depression, from unforgiveness and life has never been better.  I now know just how blessed I am!!!

I truly thought for some time this was an unforgivable sin.  Rachel's Vineyard has helped me see I am forgiven and I can now move on with my life.  If you are a hurting person with abortion in your past you also can have the forgiveness of the Father and can move forward to a better life of helping others.  I recommend Rachel's Vineyard to anyone who needs to put the past in the past and start living an abundant life.  -Forgiven

I participated in a 12-week bible study that culminated in a Rachel's Vineyard retreat and I have to say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I, for the first time since my abortion at age 15 (I'm now 53) feel forgiven by myself.  I had asked for forgiveness from Our Lord and Savior and He is merciful, but I was never able to forgive myself and now since the bible study and Rachel's Vineyard retreat, I AM FORGIVEN and I no longer have that black hole in my heart.  Thank you, God, and thank you Rachel's Vineyard! 

I can't describe the profound effect that Rachel's Vineyard retreat had on my life.  The retreat has been the only environment that I have ever felt a connection between other people in that short of a period of time.  The abortion in my life had been so devastating that I had repressed any recall of that memory.  I was 39 years old when I finally began facing this event in my life.  I didn't know who could help me work through this sadness, guilt and denial.  The safety of Rachel's Vineyard gave me the opportunity to tell a part of my life that no one had ever heard before.  that entire weekend was just about healing for me.  It was away from all the pressures of life.  The amount of healing I received was more than I could have ever gotten through months of counseling.  I talked to women who experienced similar thoughts and feelings and could see that this was truly the deep scar that abortion had left in my life.  I could feel God's hand throughout the retreat.  What can I say?  The retreat was the most deeply healing experience that I have ever experienced.  The retreat showed me how Jesus is a necessary part of my healing and drew me closer to his loving care and accepting God's forgiveness.

Not a day goes by that I don't give thanks for this ministry that God has commissioned to you.  I will be forever indebted.  My life changed one January weekend 6 years ago and the blessings continue to snowball.  God continues to heal other wounds that I didn't realize existed -- wounds that may have scarred me leading up to my choice against life.  Had I not attended my Rachel's Vineyard weekend retreat I wouldn't have been open to His healing hand.

On August 21st my daughter would have turned 9 years old.  In past years I struggled with this day tremendously.  This year, for the first time I was okay, simply because I know now that she is with the Lord and she knows that I truly love her.  I really want to say thank you to the retreat team.  It has made a huge difference in my life.

The Rachel's Vineyard retreat was a wonderful breath of fresh air in a world of stagnant grief and guilt.  I learned I was not alone in my guilt and shame and praise the Lord we are forgiven.  The ministry has showed me many beautiful women who rejoice in the forgiveness of the Lord!  The healing provided at the retreat is an amazing thing: I recommend it to all who need healing.

Prior to the weekend spiritual retreat, I was experiencing nightmares and crying spells when I saw pregnant women, infants and during certain seasons.  I hadn't told my husband about the abortions I had had since I had them before we got married.  When I told him, he was very surprised and sad for me.  However, he decided to try to understand and eventually told me that whatever he needed to do to help me, he would help.  Shortly after a crying spell I had at church after looking at a baby in front of us, I felt I needed to do something, but didn't know what or how to overcome this emotional dilemma.  I had asked God to forgive me many times, so I couldn't understand why I still felt that way.  Within a few days, I was watching a program on SkyAngel Network and various women were admitting they had had an abortion and the guilt they carried for many years, and how through a program they overcame many emotional and guilt-ridden things.  I called the number and was referred to Rachel Ministries.  I spoke to Betsy and soon was told about a weekend retreat that would surely help me with the guilt and mixed feelings I was experiencing. My husband and I decided to go to the retreat.  I didn't know what to expect, but I knew it was going to change my life.  I was a bit scared but ready for whatever God wanted to do in my heart and mind.  My husband was 100% supportive and I allowed the Holy Spirit to work the entire weekend.  I cried a lot.  I mourned for the babies I aborted.  I let go of the guilt and shame.  I realized that God had sent His only Son to die on the cross for our sicknesses, diseases and all the pain we experience.  I realized the love He had for me was so much and big and overwhelming.  I realized that weekend that I was not alone and that people actually cared and understood.  I allowed the past to stay in the past and move forward.  I allowed God's forgiveness to embrace me.  It was a life-changing experience.  The staff was very accommodating and supportive.  Since that weekend, the nightmares have ceased and I can now see pregnant women and small children and smile.  I feel so blessed that a center such as Rachel Ministries exists.  My goal is to one day be in a position to donate thousands and thousands of dollars so that many other hurting women can live life as God intended.  May God continue to use people to minister to so many hurting women.  It certainly blessed me as well as my husband.